the moments in a milestone.

*my lovely (and super talented!) friend Jenipher doodled for this blog. now everyone, quick- go friend her on twitter {@JenipherLyn} and check out her website {www.cherryrunway.com}.

we live in a time of ultimate visibility. our breakups, our engagements, our baby’s bowel movements are posted on different forms of social media for everyone to see.today, for example, i found out that one of my friends got engaged (yay!) and one of my former roommates has a new boyfriend (cute!). facebook, twitter, instagram, and other sites are wonderful ways to keep in touch with those far away from us. unfortunately, the digital reality splashed across our screens is a reality of a distorted sort. we are seeing the the best and the brightest moments. truthfully, we are sometimes seeing average moments made to look more extraordinary by way of a filter or description. and sometimes, when i look at these updates, i start to feel like maybe my life isn’t living up to some sort of rosy standard. but i’m learning to remind myself that the things i’m seeing are milestones. and these milestones are composed of moments. so many moments.  of growth, of learning, of seeming stagnation. when i see an engagement ring on someone’s finger on my facebook newsfeed, i see a shiny, sparkly representation of their relationship. but what i don’t see? the moments that lead to the engagement. the fights, the struggles, the sacrifices- the actual relationship. many of us may feel left behind.maybe you didn’t get the job, maybe that boy hasn’t called you back, maybe the pregnancy didn’t happen as soon as you’d hoped. and maybe, just maybe, there is a twinge of guilt when we see a facebook status of the exact thing *we* want the very most. God’s timing was perfect for your friend that got engaged last week. God’s timing was perfect for your brother who finally got the promotion. and the similar thing about all of this is God’s timing will be perfect for you, too. perfect does not mean equal. but it is in God’s perfect timing that everything will be made right. so, in the in between, when you see another person’s milestone that you yearn for- don’t fret.your milestone is coming, too. and it will be built just the same: with God’s perfect timing and little moments.

you’re not worth my time.

i just realized a phrase i’d say to women when they would tell me a scenario of a guy not calling her back. or a girl calling her a nasty name. or a person on the street that looked at her the wrong way.

don’t worry about them, i’d say, they’re not worth your time.

heck- i’m 95% positive i’ve got that phrase posted somewhere on my blog or on an article i’ve written.

i’ve just decided i don’t want to say that phrase anymore. mostly because i really don’t mean what i’m saying ( and i’m sure it’s the same for you too!).

this is what it means: the person that hurt you or didn’t treat you with the respect i think you deserve is less of a person. they are not important and interacting with them is completely useless.

this is what i want it to mean: the boy that broke your heart because he didn’t call or the girl who spread a nasty rumor about you are imperfect human beings (just like the rest of us). as they are imperfect, they do not interpret your value correctly. you are of infinite value to the creator of infinity. therefore, do not dwell on what a imperfect person has inflicted upon you. instead, rest in the peace of God’s love and when you think of the person who hurt you, pray for them and forgive them. for the sins that they committed (either intentionally or not) could never reflect your value and are not worth your time thinking about. only forgiving. 

the truth is- the people who hurt us should be worth our time. mostly because they were worth Jesus’. i think one of the toughest lessons i’ve learned in my walk with God is that i am not superior, i am not above any human being. 

so in moving forward, i’ll try to remember that the lady that shoved me in line or the guy that made me feel like im stupid IS worth loving.

IS worth forgiving.

IS worth my prayers.

IS worth my time. 

 

sometimes. {a mini post}.

i normally think through my posts before i write them here.

i ruminate over an idea for several days, even weeks before posting something.

but tonight, i feel as though it is necessary for me to say this (and i apologize in advance for its simplistic and somewhat unoriginal content):

sometimes we are sad.

sometimes we are happy.

sometimes we are in between and bored(which can seem even worse at times).

but, we are taken care of always and we are never alone.

i really, really want you to know that i care about you and about what’s going on in your life.

and most importantly, i want you to know that before i cared, before anyone cared- God did (and does).

if you are going through something, here are my humble recommendations:

1.Pray. Take your concern to the One who cares the most and who cares first. 

2. Talk. Talk to anyone you feel comfortable with. Processing is important. Talking also invites others to share in your healing.*

I love you all.

*If you need someone to talk to, you are more than welcome to email me at bloomofhope8@gmail.com. I take prayer requests/ silly questions/ cash/check/- you name it (kidding about the last two)! 

 

empty boxes.

a few weeks ago, i attended a wedding of two friends. the ceremony was simply lovely and the pastor (the bride’s father) said something that i had never heard before. he reminded the bride and groom that marriage would do nothing for them. that marriage is simply an empty box and it is what they put into the marriage that makes it valuable and special. marriage on its own is nothing.

as my brain was exploding from this statement, i felt a tug on my own heart. and i knew it had nothing to do with marriage…so, what was it?

it took several days for me to finally realize that this directly applies to my life and my capability to forgive.

let me explain.

i am a sensitive person. and this isn’t me being all cutesy and self- indulgent. like “oh guys, haha, sometimes i’m a little sensitive and cry at the ending of titanic” ( i am guilty of this too, however). no- i am seriously sensitive. i will pretty much obsesses over any kind of hostile, passive aggressive, or even seemingly neutral comment. i have a hard time letting things go because my heart is so easily hurt. and when a friend says something out of anger to me, my heart breaks.

and i know. i know i have to forgive.

i mean, the man i owe my life to is the very definition of forgiveness.
the very definition of grace.

knowing i have to forgive the people who hurt me is nothing new. they squeeze that into your kindergarden lesson plan between graham cracker eating and finger painting.

so, i try. i say i forgive and i mean it in my heart.

but the forgiveness is an empty box. i put nothing into it and seem to sloppily stamp “forgiven” on the top.

but oh, how i forget that i am human. how naturally, my hurt and my pain will seep back into the forgiveness. that the pain and the hurt will become bitterness. and that soon, the forgiveness will become a box filled with wretched things. and then it is not forgiveness at all. it is a box of apathy at its very best and a box of hate at its very worst.

i cannot leave the box empty or my own human heart will destroy the forgiveness altogether. i need the grace and love of Jesus to help me stop this trend.

i am learning to put LOVE into my forgiveness box. to put in good qualities about the person, sweet memories, and a realization that i’m not perfect.

i am still learning this and i am not perfect. but i have the help of someone who is.

sleeping in.

my life has taken a dramatic turn with the start of my internship. no longer am i sleeping in until 9 in the morning (those days seem like a….wait for it….distant dream). it seems like my alarm clock is shouting at me as soon as i close my eyes at night and waking me up earlier and earlier each day. i look out the window and the sun isn’t even out yet. every fiber of my being wants to jump back into bed, envelop myself in the wam covers, and let sleep overcome me once again.

but i know i can’t. i’ve got things to accomplish. (oh, and there’s also that little motivation that it’s a job and i’ll lose it if i don’t get myself there on time).

it really is alarming to me how much my body wants to sleep. even if i go to bed on time, even if i know i’m going to have a good day. because i’m comfortable, content, and haven’t moved in 7 hours.

spiritually, it’s the same way. i have a safe routine that i try to involve God in but it is hard for me to move. to intentionally get up out of my comfortable place and follow God with my actions. this is not good.

“but Kimberly”- your inner monologue declares-”God says He is the God of comfort”.

yes.

He very, very much is. but do no confuse a comfortable life with God’s comfort. daily conveniences are blessings that can be taken away at any time and they are not necessarily contingent on how God feels about us. God’s comfort is deep because we know He loves and cares for us. it is wonderful because we know He will never leave us. but God calls us for much, much more than keeping a bland routine that only benefits ourselves.

anything worth growing into requires intentionality, discipline, and the help of God. i don’t know what makes me think that i’ll be the person God wants me to be by just remaining the same. i’ll be sinning the same ways and living life no differently.

have you ever woken up late for work? somehow, someway, your alarm didn’t go off and you slowly wake up to light peeking through your window. there is a moment of peace but then you realize. most likely you’ll say something you don’t want your grandmother to hear and you rush out of bed- hurriedly calculating the least amount of work you can do to your face/ hair before running out the door.

i don’t want this to be me. or you. 

i don’t want us to miss out on what God is calling us for. i don’t want us to be “woken up” by a chain of sin so deeply entangled we didn’t realize it until something horrible happens. i don’t want us to realize too late that we could’ve done something to prevent a tragedy. or, at least could’ve helped someone. so, we have got to get moving.

i won’t pretend to know what this even looks like in your life- only you and God know that. but know that moving towards the life God wants for you is very hard but very good.

it is very likely that your life could be placed in one of two categories.

you are comfortable or you are in pain.

if you are comfortable- pray. pray for God to show you where He wants you to be, what He wants you to do with your gifts. and by the way- you have a gift and a very personalized ministry just because you are you. you have a beautiful purpose so please don’t get weighed down by the fact that you haven’t done anything in awhile or are unsure as where to begin. just start somewhere and trust.

if you are in pain- know that God is your comfort. and with you He will do uniquely magnificent things if you only trust God with your pain. {this is, at first, one of the most uncomfortable things to do but trust me- it’s worth it}. also, many of us are somewhat comfortable in a place of pain or bitterness. allow God to gently take you out of this and onto something greater.

God is our comfort and now, with Him, we must venture onward.

{i want to hear how this is going for you. how life is going for you. many of you have been gracious enough to email me what you’re going through and i am so, so grateful you have let me into your lives! how great is the internet, right? if you want to talk about something that’s on your heart, if you’re having a bad day, or you just want to say hi- feel free to email me at bloomofhope8@gmail.com}

forever. {it won’t be}

there is a truth that permeates our lives. a truth so interwoven in everyday life that i think we often fail to recognize it.

it won’t be this way forever.

this is both a beautiful and tragic reality.

to the mother that holds her precious newborn baby or to the person writhing in pain after a loved one’s death- it won’t always be this way.

in times of joy- we must embrace God, be thankful, and know that change is coming.

in times of grief- we must embrace God, be thankful, and know that change is coming.

change can be hard to detect. sometimes it happens gradually, slowly seeping into our lives only one day to smack us right in the face. other change occurs in an unexpected instant- an accident, a murder, a cancer cell.

i look back on my life and i see so many times that i felt…stuck.

stuck in my pain, in an uncomfortable situation, in monotonous routine. sometimes i truly thought it would be that way forever. i was mistaken.

i look back on the last two years of my life, being together with 13 wonderful people. taking all of our graduate coursework together and truly enjoying their friendship. i took that for granted, i think. and now that is over, too.

i think things like the shooting in Colorado make people pause and reflect on the fragility of life, the importance of relationships, and the reality of death.

but then after a moment’s reflection, most continue on with their lives in virtually the same way.

let’s remind each other how valuable our lives and our relationships are.

let’s embrace the truth that change is on its way or is already occurring in our lives.

to everyone, everywhere, feeling anything and everything (how’s THAT for a broad statement?)- it won’t always be this way.

know that change is coming and that whatever comes, you’ll be okay.

because you have a God to experience the present (and the future) with.

He is the one comfort that can be constant in our lives, if we let Him. 

 ”And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.”  Matthew 28:20

that blog that i decided to write after 2 AM.

the title says it all. there is a 120% chance that this blog will not be cohesive but goodness gracious, i just felt the need to share my favorite hymn of all time with you. if for nothing else but to encourage.

the hymn is below. it was written by Charles Wesley (where are all my Methodists at?!). i deleted some of the “Alleluia”s as they became distracting to me as i read the rest of the lyrics.

Hail the day that sees Him rise,
To His throne above the skies,
Christ, awhile to mortals given,
Reascends His native heaven,

There the glorious triumph waits,
Lift your heads, eternal gates,
Christ hath conquered death and sin,
Take the King of glory in,

Circled round with angel powers,
Their triumphant Lord, and ours,
Conqueror over death and sin,
“Take the King of glory in! Alleluia!”

Him though highest Heav’n receives,
Still He loves the earth He leaves,
Though returning to His throne,
Still He calls mankind His own,

See! He lifts His hands above,
See! He shows the prints of love,
Hark! His gracious lips bestow,
Blessings on His church below,

Still for us His death He pleads,
Prevalent He intercedes,
Near Himself prepares our place,
Harbinger of human race,

Master, (will we ever say),
Taken from our head to day,
See Thy faithful servants, see,
Ever gazing up to Thee, Alleluia!

Grant, though parted from our sight,
Far above yon azure height,
Grant our hearts may thither rise,
Seeking Thee beyond the skies,

Ever upward let us move,
Wafted on the wings of love,
Looking when our Lord shall come,
Longing, gasping after home,

There we shall with Thee remain,
Partners of Thy endless reign,
There Thy face unclouded see,
Find our heaven of heavens in Thee, Alleluia!

i know, right?!

my home church does such a gorgeous arrangement of this song that it takes everything in me not to melt into a puddle of emotion. thankfully i have mastered the art of “holding it together”. one of the main reasons for this is that the “greeting the people near you” portion of the worship service would contain too much awkwardness for one life span (and i used up all of my awkwardness in the years 2001-2004).

i think i love this song so much because it makes me stop thinking about (for lack of a better word) stupid things.

i am the worst. really, you do not want to be inside my head. sure, i think about happy things a lot. but i also weigh myself down. i constantly ruminate over my schedule, my checklists, my future. and the details can get so petty that its pretty darn ridiculous. like tonight in class when i completely zoned out for five minutes during a lecture planning my grocery list. whoopsie. (thanks mom and dad for the great education). (see also: i will be working in the school system soon, hide yo childrenz).

but when i hear this song…certain lyrics stick out to me like….(help me out, people…what is a good version of “sore thumb“…..)….a UNICORN OF PEACE AND HAPPINESS.

There the glorious triumph waits,
Lift your heads, eternal gates,
Christ hath conquered death and sin, 
Take the King of glory in, 

i personally should be repeating this to myself every waking moment. the fact that Jesus has not avoided, not pushed away, but freaking CONQUERED both death and sin is something so….perfect. and all we have to do is what the fourth line above suggests…we need to take the King of glory in. as in, we need to let this truth and this Man who has conquered death and sin into our lives. into our hearts. into our careers, marriages, friendships, car rides, grocery trips, every significant (and insignificant) event. i need to remind myself when i’m stressed to stop, meditate on this, and choose to let Jesus in. because when i do, everything else’s importance pales in comparison. it begins to hardly even matter at all.

so, please don’t get stressed out about your life. save yourself the trouble and the worry.

because Jesus is King.

over. it. all. 

glitter. (an apology).

{if you’ve never met me- hello, my name is Kimberly and i am a Christian. this is all the background you need to know to understand this post apology.}

i am so sorry. to everyone who has ever been through a tragedy in their life (let’s be honest, we’ve all had one or two…)and has had a Christian friend of theirs throw a happy-go-lucky- glitter bomb in their face that had some sort of combination of the following:

*God has a plan

*God works for the good of all of those who love Him

*Jesus loves you

and goodness gracious- all of the above are true. so true that when i write them my eyes water with overcoming emotion.

but is that what we want to hear? when our hearts are broken? when someone dear to us has passed away? when a medical diagnosis means life will never be the same?

i’ve done some thinking about this. had some pondering moments, if you will. and i think i figured it out- we don’t like seeing people sad, we don’t like seeing our loved ones hurting. so- we give them a solution- we give them truth.

and Biblical truth is wonderful, and good, and for a lack of a better word, true. but when we put a Bible verse embroidered band aid over our loved one’s problem it sets them up with an expectation. without saying so, we put pressure on our friends to simply accept the pain and forget the problem. and that kind of sweeping feelings under the rug is NOT healthy and i would argue, not Biblical.

on the eve of his arrest, Jesus knew. He knew what was coming and the pain he would soon endure…

³⁶ Then Jesus went with his disciples to a place called Gethsemane, and he said to them, “Sit here while I go over there and pray.” ³⁷ He took Peter and the two sons of Zebedee along with him, and he began to be sorrowful and troubled. ³⁸ Then he said to them, “My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me.” (Matthew 26:36-38).

Jesus does not say “Hey guys! I know what’s gonna happen soon, and it’s cool, it’s chill. God has a plan for me and now everything is dandy!”.

now, i think Jesus did know, without a doubt, that God’s plan was a good one. but he still allowed himself to feel emotion, to acknowledge the sorrow. that is how healing happens, i think. to feel pain, to mourn. but not to be hopeless. to know that even in the pain, God has something working for our good in it.

so, when someone in our lives experiences pain- we must know it is not our job to fix them.

when someone is experiencing something terrible- be there for them.

let them cry, let them talk about it, let them mourn.

i think sometimes i’ve been guilty of throwing a bible verse glitter bomb in my friend’s face because i was scared- i didn’t know what to say and wanted to fix things. we must fight this urge. we don’t need to have all the answers. we simply need the love and the grace to help our friends walk through whatever they may face.

and please do not be mistaken- we must let our friends know about the deep love of Jesus and the great power of God and his plan. but we must not deliver this news in a hurried way, as to neatly “wrap up” the discussion to make us feel better.

so, to the person that had a Christian glitter bomb thrown at them in the wake of a tragedy- i’m sorry. you have every right to feel and express the pain that you’ve experienced and you are not expected to hear these words and instantly be healed of your hurting. but know that as you walk through the pain, God is with you- even if you don’t feel it. and if you need someone to pray for you, comment on this blog. you are not alone.

and to those of us (me, included) who are guilty of this-let’s stop throwing our glitter bombs and invite those around us to true healing.

fakes: i’d like to thank the academy.

this post is fourth on a series based on Timothy Keller’s book- Counterfeit Gods. i strongly recommend it if you’ve seen even a little bit of truth in the series so far. my lovely (and super talented!) friend Jenipher doodled for this blog. now everyone, quick- go friend her on twitter  {@JenipherLyn} and check out her website  {www.cherryrunway.com}. 

within a minute of meeting someone you are asked the inevitable question- “what do you do?”

and you know what’s funny? they are just asking us to respond with an action verb. like “i teach” or “i trade stocks” or “i juggle flaming arrows on top of a giant blow up ball while selling home owners insurance”.

but guess how most of us respond? as if they had asked us “who are you?”

i am a teacher.

i am a stockbroker.

i am a salesperson.

in our society what we do for a living constitutes who we are as a person.

but then, we don’t get the promotion or  we don’t get the award or we get laid off.

and we crumble. it’s not just about the money, it’s a pride thing because we feel like our very identity was assaulted.

because we WORKED for our degrees and our jobs and our grammies.

okay. now i’m going to say something a little offensive. i mean, i think you could take it the wrong way. and i wish that i could have a conversation over coffee with you (whoever you are) reading this- and look into your eyes so you know i say this with sincerity and love…

don’t you dare think for a second that your success has anything to do with you.

“kimberly- you are an idiot and a religious freak show”- what approximately 85% of you are saying (there is probably a lingering 10% that are simply scanning the words and will not notice when i start to launch into a britney spears song with no warning sometimes i run sometimes i cry sometimes i’m scared of you but all i really want is to hold you tight and maybe 5% of you actually kind of agree).

but really, people! God gave you EVERYTHING. your LIFE. your vision. your hearing. your brain. any kind of success in your life should be attributed to God. your talent landed you the job but who gave you the talent in the first place? maybe you worked hard to get there but at the end of the day God gave you that capability.

when we forget to acknowledge God in our careers, we start to stress out and wonder- what if? because if there is no room for God in your reason for success, you will start to believe it is all about you and then- that it is ALL on your shoulders.

in the “success” chapter of the book, Timothy Keller quotes Madonna. now, i know some of you wouldn’t necessarily agree with some of her creative choices but i think we can all agree that by the world’s standard- she is a huge success in the music industry.

“i have an iron will, and all of my will has always been to conquer some horrible feeling of inadequacy…i push past one spell of it and discover myself as a special human being and then i get to another stage and think i’m mediocre and uninteresting…again and again. my drive in life is from this horrible fear of being mediocre. and that’s always pushing me, pushing me. because even though i’ve become somebody, i still have to prove that i’m somebody. my struggle has never ended and it probably never will”

now, if Madonna constantly feels like she isn’t good enough with a stellar career like that- what does that say about your strivings for success? if it is only up to you, you will never feel like enough.

but guess what? contrary to popular belief- it is not all on your shoulders. you don’t have to prove you’re enough because God already thinks that you are.

you are given your gifts to glorify God on this earth. nothing else. and God gave you those gifts because he loves and adores you. He wants you to live a life full of passion, doing the things you are gifted at to glorify Him and to help others.

so do the best you can with what God has given you. and if it’s not enough for this messed up world, it doesn’t matter.

if you get fired, you don’t lose your identify. because it is NOT who you are. if you believe, you will always be a follower of Christ first and foremost.

next time someone asks you- “what do you do?”, go ahead and respond the same as you normally would.

but in your mind, make sure you tell yourself “i am God’s child”.

and in your heart, make sure you remind yourself “because of nothing i have done”.

fakes: a penny for my thoughts.

{this is the 3rd installment of my blog posts on the fake gods in our lives. if you would like to learn more about the topic, i strongly suggest picking up Timothy Keller’s book entitled “Counterfeit Gods”. the artwork for this post is brought to you by my lovely friend Jenipher. she draws and makes wonderfully cute things. you can follow her on twitter here: twitter.com/JenipherLyn and check out her website here: http://www.cherryrunway.com}

i didn’t want to write this post.

don’t get me wrong, i love writing and i love this blog but the topic of money? it doesn’t really excite me. i have what i need, i try not to spend too frivolously. i don’t feel like money really has a hold on my heart (i am wrong).

i mean, who worships money anyways? i just envision someone rolling around on a pile of money or any scene from “Blank Check” (reminder to self: install water slide in bedroom).

but the things money buys- a roof, food in my belly, clothes on my back, gas in my car- well, those give me security. those give me control. and when i don’t have money-i feel helpless.

now, THAT makes me think that money has a bigger hold on my heart than i wish it did. i need to trust God’s power over my life- not the false sense of security I get from money (because that could be wiped out in an instant). everything you own that money has bought can be taken away.

so, then, i’m at risk for making money my god, all the time. i don’t want money to rule my heart.

the great thing is that our Father knows us. God knew i would struggle with this. so- He instructs us to tithe.

because the best way to rob money of its power is to give. it. away.

you’ve heard it in your church pews and in your bible studies but i’m going to say it again- you need to tithe. and not so your church can buy a new building or so your pastor can send his kids to college. you need to tithe for you.

this simple act of worship reminds us always: what is ours is ultimately God’s. every blessing we have is because of Him. every single one.

it also allows you to be part of something greater. by giving ten percent of your money back to God, you allow more work to be done in his Kingdom here.

but life gets in the way. things stop working, someone gets sick, a dress we love goes on sale- we need the money. well hold onto your hats. because tithing is the only thing in the Bible that God tells us to test Him on. for all my book nerds out there, that’s Malachi 3:10.

God is going to take care of me. even if I lose my job.

God is going to take care of you. even if your house gets flooded.

God is going to take care of us.

when we are poor and when our circumstances are troubling, we know we can depend on God. we know that when we tithe, He will bless us.

but once you get the new job, once you have the new house- don’t forget that God will still bless you with your tithe. because acknowledging God with your finances will direct your heart to the only security in this world you will ever need.